1. You know that as soon as you tell people from out of the state where you’re from, you’ll need to prepare to field a series of questions about Hurricane Katrina.
This is most definitely true. No matter where I go, if people find out I'm from New Orleans, one of the questions I'm inevitably asked is, "Was your house destroyed in Katrina?" I was even asked this question when I traveled to Germany. I don't really mind it that much, because I understand that people are curious. I always tell them that I'm one of the lucky ones whose houses made it out relatively unscathed, at least compared to other people's homes which were completely destroyed.
2. At least five of your friends have surnames that end with the suffix “-eaux.” Many of them have surnames that the untrained eye can’t pronounce correctly.
This is also completely true. Especially "Boudreaux". I know tons of people with that last name. Overall, I love the whole -eaux thing. Geaux Tigers, etc. And the "untrained eye" part is really true as well. How many people know how to say Tchoupitoulas on the first try?
3. You don’t know whether to feel frustrated or bemused about out-of-towners who think that going to New Orleans and getting smashed at Pat O’Brien’s allows them to develop a real cultural appreciation for the region. To be fair, these are probably the same kind of people who refer to Mardi Gras as “Pardi Gras.”
Well, I suppose this is true. I'm not really familiar with the places to party around the city, to be honest, since I just turned 18. But there is so much more than just getting trashed!
4. Speaking of which, you know that probably about three-fourths of the folk who flash their chests for dinky, plastic beads during Mardi Gras come from out of town.
Also true. Tip: don't flash for Mardi Gras beads.
5. When you first got to college, you couldn’t help but marvel at the students who ended their Friday nights facedown in the grass by their freshman dorms with pizza-flavored vomit seeping out of the corners of their mouths. Basic.
True. Y'all need to get it together.
6. Though Lil’ Wayne put Hollygrove on the map, you know that your city’s musical offerings — past and present — far expand his body of work. What else would you expect from the place that spurred the career of legends like Louis Armstrong and the Neville Brothers?
I think we've talked this to death almost. There's soooo much music here. I love it.
7. Your friends from elsewhere keep pronouncing it “New OrlEEns” in earnest and you don’t have the heart to correct them.
This is so true. It breaks my heart every time I hear someone pronounce it this way. Same thing when people call the streetcar a trolley or worse, a train. That just makes me shudder.
8. However, you have no qualms correcting those who call it “N’awlins.”
Yes, it is not "N'awlins"! I've never heard anyone from here say it that way.
9. “Tchoupitoulas” sounds fairly intimidating — like the name of an exotic disease that melts your skin and causes your brains to ooze out of your ears — but you know that it’s just the name of an important street. And the name of the Creole Creamery sundae challenge no one you know has ever been able to complete.
I remember when I was first learning to read, I saw the word Tchoupitoulas and tried to sound it out, and my mom just laughed and told me to stop trying. On the other hand, I do know people who have been able to eat the Tchoupitoulas at Creole Creamery....
10. You spend a disproportionate amount of time convincing friends who are about to visit New Orleans for the first time that, no, the likelihood that someone will rob and/or murder them is no higher than it would be in any other city.
Well, I'm not sure about that one. I don't always feel safe here. I have been a victim of being robbed several times, in fact. But I think one just needs to be super cautious and always on the lookout. You know when you're in a sketchy part of town, but just because you're in a "safe" part of town doesn't mean you should let your guard down.
11. The best part of summers during your childhood was getting to eat snowballs. Not snow cones. Not shaved ice. Hansen’s wedding cake flavored snowballs, topped with condensed milk.
I don't know how people live without snowballs. Snowballs are life. However, I'm not a fan of condensed milk. I'm just really picky, I guess. I don't really like wedding cake, either. My go-to snowball flavor is strawberry and chocolate mixed together with extra syrup of both. Mmm.
12. At your high school graduation, you wore a white gown that looked eerily similar to a wedding dress while your male classmates wore tuxedos with white coats, and this felt perfectly normal.
Maybe this is a Catholic school thing? I just wore nice clothes and put my school's green-colored gown over it... I don't know.
13. The suggestion “pinch the tail and suck the head” might have more titillating connotations elsewhere, but it means something much tamer for you — though sticking your face in a plate of well-cooked crawfish can sometimes be just as exciting as anything else.
Sadly, I am not a fan of crawfish. Saying that makes me feel so un-New Orleanian. Like I said, I'm just really really picky. But I will say, crawfish boils are still super fun to just get everyone together and have a good time and talk and eat.
14. You know firsthand just how vibrant Who Dat Nation is, and you also know that Odell Beckham, Jr. deserves to win the Heisman this year. Clearly.
I'm not really a fan of sports... I mean, I totally support the Saints and want them to win and cheer for them....but really, I couldn't really care less. I think sports are irrelevant and too big of a part of our society, but that's another argument. Like I said, though, GO SAINTS! (even though I couldn't tell you any of the players on the Saints)
15. For as long as you can remember, you’ve asked for your po-boys “dressed.” Consequently, that time you visited your college friend in New York City and asked for your sandwich “dressed,” you didn’t understand why your server looked at you as though you had suddenly sprouted a second head from your shoulder.
Another consequence of me being picky... I don't like my poboys dressed. I just want a plain one, please. But I do know that when people go to other places and ask for sandwiches dressed, they've been looked at funny. I just love New Orleans vernacular.
16. Nine out of ten times when you introduce yourself to someone new, they ask if you’ve ever visited Bourbon (child please), and you feel as though you have to explain that the French Quarter entails much more than this one street.
Maybe I haven't been asked this much since I'm pretty young, but I've gotten a good bit of people inquiring about Bourbon Street. I think this one is pretty accurate.
17. You have strong feelings about Ray Nagin, but you will get downright vicious when it comes to defending your favorite flavor of Hubig’s Pie (all about that chocolate, y’all).
I definitely don't like Ray Nagin, that's for sure, although I don't have really strong feelings toward him just because I was too young to really know what was going on when he was mayor. Also, yet another consequence of me being picky, I'm not a fan of Hubig's Pies... however, one thing I do want to say, where's the mention of king cakes on this list?! Mmm I love me a good king cake.
18. Chris Rose once wrote that, in New Orleans, “We dance even if there’s no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and laugh too loud and live too large, and, frankly, we’re suspicious of others who don’t.” Like Rose, you know that this city — your city — possesses a mystical quality that makes your chest ache and your throat burn if you’ve been away for too long. No matter how far or long you go, you won’t be able to resist coming back — if only for a while — because there is truly no other city like this. 504ever.
504ever. 504life.
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